i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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