My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
