Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
