He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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