You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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