Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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