hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
