If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
