Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
