fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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