I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Randomize
