We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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