I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize