Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
