If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
