What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she smelled like a LAN party
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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