Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
