that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
