I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
