I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
