he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
is this the sara with the beer cane?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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