Barsexuality is the new black.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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