Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
