Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize