Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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