Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
