my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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