Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
