that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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