She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
