i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
