You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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