I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
True strength comes from lack of pants
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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