is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
