"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
