Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
