In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
