You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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