these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
