i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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