I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
