You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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