my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
