threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
