New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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