Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
