I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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