I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
