Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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