just tell him i said nine months
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
