Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
