I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
