i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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