Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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