I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
