what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
