bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
