yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
