sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
