And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize