I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
