You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Boobs speak an international language.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
